Top 10 Worst Films of 2013

(I like too note I have not seen everything that came out in 2013. But considering this is the worst of list that's a good thing.)

10.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

How can you fuck up something this crazy. What has the potential too be so bad it's good, it just ends up so bad it's bad.

9.

Dead Man Down

The biggest problem here is that it's so dull, so lazy, so forgettable that it makes you hate more than how bad it actually is and it's pretty bad.

8.

2 Guns

Annoying best describes 2 Guns. While the actors do try they can't help the film's poorly written script.

7.

Identity Thief

This should have been funny, the people involved can be really funny.Why wasn't this funny.

6.

Gangster Squad

Talk about wasted potential. Gangster Squad wastes it's great cast with a horrendous script. Especially Sean Penn who gives one of the years worst performances.

5.

The Hangover Part III

Ripping off the first film seems like a great idea compared too what we got here. If it was funny I can give this a pass but it isn't.

4.

The Host

Stephanie Meyer's needs to be stop at once. If you need your Y.A. novel fix, go watch Beautiful Creatures or Catching Fire.

3.

Spring Breakers

Calling this pretentious is the biggest understatement of the whole year. And I feel sorry for you if you think this is actually saying about youth culture.

2.

Scary Movie V

Spoof movies are dead and this franchise needs too die. Scary Movie V is as bad you expected and sadly this isn't number one.

1.

Movie 43

Fuck this movie, fuck this movie, fuck this god damn shit. Movie 43 is not only the worst of the year, it's the worst film ever made.

My Top 10 Best Films of 2013

(I like too note that I haven't seen everything that has come out this year, so that might be why that film isn't on here.)

10.

Pacific Rim

I'll admit that this isn't the most remarkable example of storytelling. But when it comes too a bad ass awesome  time with a film. Guillermo Del Toro has out done himself with this remarkable fest of spectacle that doesn't insult my brain cells.

9.

The Place Beyond the Pines

Highly original and highly inventive. The Place Beyond the Pines captivates the viewer with great storytelling and acting without making the film fell like the two hours and twenty minutes run time.

8.

Lee Daniels' The Butler

Featuring some of the year's best performances. The Butler is a well crafted, well written, well directed, well acted ride of emotions that earn most of it's for your consideration moments.

7.

Frozen

Easily the best animated film of 2013. Frozen provides an excellent mix of old school Disney while throwing in some freshness too have excellent balance of both.

6.

Captain Phillips

It's a crowd pleasing  film done right. Captain Phillips is an example of when everything goes right and everyone is on their "A" game giving us a real treat.

5.

The Great Gatsby

An ambitious, multi colored triumph. Baz Luhrmann gives The Great Gatsby great style to go along with great substance.

4.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Smart, smoothly directed and enriched with a deeper exploration the franchise's thought- provoking themes. Catching Fire elevates The Hunger Games series too something that is toe-to-toe with Harry Potter.

3.

Oz the Great and Powerful

The Wizard of Oz is a tough act to follow. But this Oz packs the perfect amount of visual dazzle and clever wit to be entertaining in it's own right.

2.

 This is the End

Easily the best, funniest and smartest comedy of the year. This is the End is also daring and inspired with the cast they've got and everyone has a brilliant moment.

1.

12 Years a Slave

While a hard film too watch to be sure. 12 Year a Slave has a powerful story, powerful performances and also earned the right to be the important film about slavery.

Spring Breakers

Spring Breakers is a film with no middle ground. You are either going love it with ever being of your body or hate it with a burning passion. If anyone reading this is on the love it side of the argument, I clearly don't see what you guys see. I have never seen a film that licks it's own ass as much as Spring Breakers. This is the definition of the emperor has no clothes and a director (Harmony Korine)  basically glorifying his collect of porn and fooling people into believing this has something too say.

For a film that's glorified porn and doesn't realizes it is, what is it about? 4 girls named Brit (Ashley Benson), Cindy (Vanessa Hudgens), Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Faith (Selena Gomez) who have been the best of friends since grade school. Now live together in a dull (too say the least) college dorm and are hungry for adventure. So Brit, Cindy and Cotty rob a store and all 4 girls use the money to go to Miami for the spring break of a lifetime. An encounter with a rapper named "Alien" (James Franco) promises the girls all of the excitement and thrills they hoped for.

I'll give the film credit if it actually made it's point successfully. I don't mind lots of boobs, but you need more than just boobs too keep things interesting. None of the performances elevate the material, all of the cinematography don't elevate the material and all of the repetition of dialogue (spring break, spring break, spring break) get's crazily annoying after the first time it happens let alone most of the second half when the girls meet Alien.

I can get behind a commentary about the youth of today. I should know I'm one of them and I can tell that this so over exaggerated in it's depiction of youth it becomes insulting.  I understand that their are some people like this but, Korine's film generalizes all young as unholy savages. Not every film has too be realistic but seriously this makes Sucker Punch the bench mark of realism. But points for well done cinematography I guess.

Spring Breakers is 100% style and 0% substance. It offers no really insight on youth culture. It's just porn masquerading it's self as high art. Their will be people claiming that I'm full of shit and just a mindless mouth breather. But, seriously if it wasn't for some pretty cinematography this would easily be the worst film of 2013. As is it's just one of the worst.

Grade Rating: D-

Thor: The Dark World

The second film in the high profile Marvel Cinematic Universe phase 2 and second film in the Thor franchise. Thor: The Dark World is while visually stunning and entertaining but unlike the first Thor movie the story or whatever is here  isn't really all that interesting. And my rule is if you're not going too have a strong story just give the film enough panache too make me not care, the "Avatar" effect to put it lightly. But unfortunately they don't do enough too forgive hell even know the flaws. But I'll give the film credit this, it's better than Iron Man 3 and when the film is entertaining it's really entertaining with big thanks too Tom Hiddleston's performance as Loki.

I bitched about the story but what am I bitching about? There are nine realms of Asgard and once every 5,000 years they align. Earth happens to be one of these realms. These realms create portals between the worlds during the alignment which is called "Convergence". On Earth, in London, Jane Foster (played by Natalie Portman) believes she and her crew have discovered one such portal. Foster, while investigating the phenomenon, is transported to another realm and comes in contact with a substance called Aether. Upon coming into contact with the substance, it draws Thor (played by Chris Hemsworth) from Asgard back to Earth. Thor takes Jane to Asgard to be cured from the Aether. Unfortunately in doing so it draws more than just Jane to that world. Another being called Malekith (played by Christopher Eccleston)  wants to use the Aether to destroy Asgard. Devising a plan with his brother the war criminal Loki, Thor heads to The Dark World to destroy the Aether and save Asgard. 

Like I said in the first paragraph, Loki makes this film and all of that goes to Tom Hiddleston you can he loves playing this role which becomes apparent in this mainly because he's really the only one who gets something to do. Every one else are either under used like Malekith who is literally given almost nothing to do, or either have no reason to be in this film like Darcy (played by Kat Dennings)  or Erik Selveg (played by Stellan Skaregard) who are just comedy relief you'll find in an Adam Sandler film more than a Marvel film. Which is sad because the banter between Loki & Thor works beautifully and is more than enough.

Even with me complaining through most of this review their were elements too this I did find highly enjoyable and with one scene which is a spoiler I can describe as inspired. I'm not giving every detail but it's the funeral scene. Moments like these help you get through the film alot and make you have more a positive feeling about the film and with some people I've read is enough to forgive all the flaws. But not me. 

Like I said in the beginning, the film is visually stunning and I understand why it's on the Oscar shortlist for best Visual Effects. And while I did have fun with Thor: The Dark World. I left the theater with a unsatisfied feeling which is disappointing considering that their are really good things about. But, in all honesty I have zero desire too watch this again. 

Grade Rating: B-

(all photos used belong to Walt Disney Motion Picture Studio's & Marvel Studio's.)

Frozen

Frozen is Walt Disney Animation Studio's 53rd animated motion picture and keeping it old school as a fairy tale (based off of Hans Christian Anderson's The Snow Queen) musical and it also has a new school element too it by having a theme of girl power. Which is quite refreshing and for some reason we barely see in today's animated films with the most recent example being last year's highly underrated Brave. And while not as good as Brave, Frozen manages to proved an excellent mix of old and new and is easily the animated film of 2013 (which isn't saying alot).

Frozen is the story about a princess named Elsa (voiced by Idina Menzel) who was born with the power too create ice and snow. On the day of Elsa's coronation her powers go out of control and traps the kingdom in a internal winter (like the White Queen in Narnia but, Elsa doesn't mean to do this). Now her sister Anna (voiced by Kristen Bell) has to go off and find Elsa too stop the winter with the help of a mountain man named Kristoff ( voiced by Jonathan Groff) and a happy scene stealing snowman from their childhood named Olaf ( voiced by Josh Gad).

Like I said in the plot summary, Olaf steal's the show and makes the film shine every time he's on screen and Disney's best comedy relief since the horse from Tangled. And Olaf has the second best musical number in the film "In Summer". With the best number being Elsa's big fuck it song "Let it go" which i'm pretty sure it's going too win the Oscar for Best Song. Other than those two song's, all the other are while not bad they're nothing to write home about when compared to the classic Disney soundtrack's like Beauty and the Beast or The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

While on the topic of problem's I have with Frozen, the takes a few twist and turns that I'm not spoil in this review. Out of the twists in the film one of them is a metaphor for the film main theme of girl power and different version of true love which was really smart and brilliant. The other twist on the other hand feel's like the writer pulled it out of her ass (screenplay by Jennifer Lee) at the last minute. While the meaning of the twist "people aren't as they seem" and I can get behind. The way it was presented almost reach's Iron Man 3 level of stupidity. Other than that I have no other problem's.

Everything else works for the most part. The animation is flat out flawless, the character's are charming, the comedy is witty, funny and not idiotic like some other recent animated film's. Frozen does proved an excellent mix of old and new and while it isn't 100% and not the level of Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King. Frozen is not only the best animated film of 2013, it's also one of the best overall films of 2013. On a side note, the short that play's in front of this "Get a Horse" is a work of genius.

Grade Rating: A-

(all images used belong to Walt Disney Motion Picture Studios and Walt Disney Animation Studio.)